DO buy groceries

You may find this hard to believe (I apparently did), but grown-ups need to eat too. Also, grown-ups do not go out to eat all the time or beg food off of their friends. They go "grocery-shopping" to buy real food that they can prepare at home. So, one of the first stops on my quest towards adult-hood took me to Kroger.

Now, grocery shopping for me is quite an ordeal. I try to put it off until the last possible minute so Wednesday afternoon found me sitting in my room staring at my food selection and wondering what I could possibly make for dinner. My choices were as follows: English muffins (but no toaster), one granola bar, the Greek yogurt my roommate left behind, and some strawberry-flavored cream cheese-- a few items worthy of being labeled sustenance, but not nearly enough for an entire meal. I was faced with the terrifying reality that I needed to buy groceries.

To begin this process, I would typically write a list of everything I needed. However, this time I chose to forgo the list for two reasons- 1) I needed absolutely EVERYTHING and 2) my lists usually turn out looking something like this:

cereal
drink
that one kind of yummy crackers
don't forget to email Mom
cute new flip-flops
dr. appt Friday 2:30

which is truly not helpful in the least.

So, off I go to Kroger, the nearest grocery-buying destination to my dorm room. I walk in, struggle with the usual cart vs basket debate, remember that I still need to buy absolutely EVERYTHING and choose the cart. Now, I think to myself, I will pick up my groceries, check out, and be back in my room with a full tummy in no time. How wrong I was.

First of all, I may be the only person to think this, but Kroger is not laid out logically. I am positive I passed at least three different displays of yogurt, found the cereal in the dog food aisle (yes, mother, I'm positive it really was cereal), and made about five laps before finding everything I needed. At this point, my cart is filling up and I'm feeling pretty accomplished. The next task is to check out and pay for my groceries. I go to the self-checkout (fostering my new-found sense of independence) and I am driven into the depths of madness quicker than I ever thought possible. The cause of my insanity? Just one simple sentence "Please place the item in the bag." An innocuous sentence on its own- helpful, simple, polite even. However after about 60 repetitions of that same phrase, I start to go a little bonkers, which brings me to the lesson inside the lesson:

Grownups DO NOT yell at inanimate objects (in public)

Becoming quite frustrated with this evil machine, I scan the rest of my groceries as quickly as possible, pay for them, and then leave. Now, one detail I forgot to mention. Since I was so terrified of grocery-shopping and overwhelmed by the idea of the whole process, I actually didn't make it to Kroger until about 8pm, the time in which all the crazies in town seem to decide to buy groceries (I know what you're thinking, but I myself am not a crazy.. yet). So, I am now faced with walking to my car while all the zombies are chasing me and yelling things at me from their respective vehicles and I'm FREAKED OUT. However, I am also incredibly fortunate. The security guard (Yes, Kroger has a security guard- who knew?) was available, saw the wheels turning in my head as I mentally reviewed all my best zombie-fighting maneuvers and kindly walked me to my car. What a nice guy!

So, I am quickly loaded into my car, I make the hike up to my dorm room with all my groceries (in one trip no less) and I begin to unpack. And as I am unpacking, I begin to worry that I had an out-of-body experience. While at Kroger, it seems I have forgotten that I will occasionally have to eat actual meals (grown-up's do that). I have bought plenty of delicious, healthy snacks- cereal, oatmeal, fruit, yogurt, sugar-free jell-o, but I have completely neglected the idea of meals, leaving me essentially back where I started with a slightly smaller possibility of starving to death. So, it looks like I will eventually need to conquer my fears yet again and return to the grocery store.

Lessons Learned:
Write a list. A good one.
Try to memorize the lay-out of Kroger. It will not make sense.
Go shopping before the zombies come out.
Remember that meals are important too.